Sunday, July 19, 2015

Internal Warfare

Today is a day to vent. I've been upbeat about this shitty situation on the whole - externally and internally. But today has not been a good day.

For some reason it's been the hardest day to deal with and the darkest day. I don't feel that I can express myself properly to the people I am closest to. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to run away. I want to feel free again. Not from them - but from this feeling that's making me feel sick with fear and in-trepidation.

I hate that I am making them sad and I hate that I am putting people out. I hate that they are having to be around me at the moment. I'm so worried about them being upset, that I am holding it all back. Which is fine when you get head space and breathing space, but when that doesn't happen it creates this massive feeling inside me, that I am loosing control and loosing my independence - which doesn't sit comfortably with me.

This "thing" is doing things to my brain and I don't like it.

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