My fears were unfortunately confirmed 7 days ago. Diagnosis - Classic Hodgkins Lymphoma. A PET scan this week has confirmed that it is "Stage 2". Meaning that although the cancer is extensive in my neck and chest, it is, as far as they can tell contained in that area.
My initial relief that at least there is a diagnosis, has subsided and left me feeling everything from angry, to devastated, to total disbelief that this is actually happening.
One of the worst feelings I have at the moment is the one of letting my family down. I've always felt invincible. Overall I'm a healthy girl. Never really been sick. In fact, prior to now, a chipped ankle and pleurisy are the only two things I have had to endure. The constant reminders of the dangers of smoking, drinking, late nights, no sleep, working too hard and eating properly have - by in large fallen on deaf ears and now I feel like the people I love more than anything are paying the price of my complacency, by being the ones that have to pick up the pieces.
I remembered last night that a programme had been on TV a few months back. It was a BBC adaptation of a book called "The C Word" by Lisa Lynch. At 28 she was diagnosed with breast cancer and decided to write about her experiences. Well it has certainly inspired me to get back to my blog, as I think this is gonna be my best outlet for my feelings. This is not about whether it gets read by one person, 100 people or no one. But it may serve as a good source to tell my friends and family how I feel without having to "tell them how I feel".
Sadly Lisa passed away in 2013, but she certainly lives on and touches the lives of hundreds of thousands of sufferers. Me included. Book purchased today. I am looking forward to reading this and gaining knowledge of what lies ahead.
Bless ya Lisa - thanks for inspiring me to start writing again.
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